Brittany Moody

Drive test

2007-09-05T16:59:41Z

I failed again.

I am so upset.
But only with myself. They are stupid mistakes, but now I have to wait 90 days to take the stupid fucking thing again.

I just hate this.

Religion

2007-09-04T05:10:49Z

I am reading this book called Burned by Ellen Hopkins. I am not very far in it at all but what I can tell you is that I am on page 130 of 531 and so far it is about a girl, hard-core Mormon family, dad beats mom, she knows there is something more to life then this religion that basically says her only duty is to have as many children as possible.
But the line that really got me and made me want to write this entry goes a little like this:
"But every time I came really close to just giving in, I saw faces: Our bishop, reciting, Better to die defending your virtue than to live having lost it without a struggle. Brother Prior, A true Mormon would rather bury a child then see her lose her chastity."

Can you honestly believe that?
&I know that they are actually taught to believe that.
You would rather have a dead kid then just have her fuck someone? I mean are you fucking kidding me?

I for one believe that sex is a beautiful thing, not all the time, I mean it can be used in horrible, horrible ways.
But an act of love between two people that love, or even think they love each other is wonderful.
I have never been one to say that sex is for marriage, but man complications come from having sex, one mostly being babies.
I have always said you should only have sex if you are ready to deal with the aftermath if something were to happen.

Mormon religion is one of the main one that baffles me.
I can tell you for one that I am no feminist and I am really kind of old fashioned. I for one, want to be taken care of by my husband. I do want to take care of him. But the fact that women in that religion are basically there for baby making, and that even goes back to polygamist days, bigger family here, better place in heaven.

I know that I dont know everything and that I may be bias towards this.
I respect a home maker, A house wife. It is probably one of the hardest things. To raise kids, run the household, and still be appealing to your hubby.

But even with just the basic belief in the bible. I have a hard time believing.
I mean I really do believe in a something, but I only think there is a greater power because we believe there is one, and we give him power by doing so.
But even when people are convinced that prayer helps heal, I dont think it is God, what I do think is that by praying, people focus their positive energy on what they want to happen and for me it just comes back to the basic mind over matter thing.

Either way, I respect what people believe but that doesnt mean I am going to believe it.

I miss it.

2007-08-31T05:51:46Z

I am so sick of everything right now.
I miss my old life, my old friends, my old hair, my old style.
I miss going out every weekend. I miss having friends. I miss life before boyfriends. Before depending on boyfriends for entertainment.
I miss laughing so hard I couldn't breathe.
I miss secrets and inside jokes.
I miss wishing for love. I miss the mystery of everything. I miss being happy.
Yet I bet back then I wished for everything I have now.

my life is so fucking routine.
i am bored out of my mind.
nothing is unexpected. everything is just ok.
no highs, no lows.
I hate these fucking pills that make it that way.
I hate this middle feeling.
I liked the highs, because I knew what the low was like.
I hate that I hate my body.
I hate my hair.
I hate this lame style that is nothing.
No more bright colors and crazy hair.
No more shows or the boys that come with them.

fuck.

But I know if I didnt have Isaac.
I would only be missing him.

fuckingmoody @ 2007-07-06T20:03:00

2007-07-07T03:10:20Z

The censorship on TV these days kind of confuses me. I was watching American Pie on USA, which in general that is a horrible movie to put on TV considering it has to be edited A LOT. But I thought it was funniest that when Stifler spiked Finch's coffee with a laxative and he had the shits, it completely silenced all of the farting/pooping sounds. So it was completely silenced while we was still there. What the hell? Since when do you not know what that sounds like? And then American Pie 2 which followed the prior, they switched the word hand jobs for foreplay? What? And then on MTV they block the word "stoned" but not bitch? And the word "suicidal" And I think it is funny when the main chorus of the song is completely silenced out. Whats the point?

Pet Shelter.

2007-06-27T03:42:15Z

I have recently started volenteering at Homeward Pets, an animal shelter, with Audrey.
Audrey's idea.
We are helping with the cats. They have a short supply of people that want to help and play with the cats and kittens.
I can understand the cats. Most of them are rescued. So the shelter has saved them. And this is a no kill shelter so I feel a little better about helping out there, knowing that they wont just kill off the animal due to lack of popularity.
But the dogs.
You can hear the dogs barking in the next room. It sounds like crying.
Dogs arn't like cats.
The cats love it there. Their own kennel, people coming to play with them and giving them catnip. Cats just dont have as much emotion as dogs. But maybe that is just because I am more of a dog person. But you go in to see the dogs and their eyes are so sad. They are just begging you to take them out of this little cage to go outside and run around. Dogs need attention.
But the worst part to me is that most of the dogs are there because their owners brought them there. I understand that some people cant care for an animal and it is better to take them to a no kill shelter then to just ditch them at the pound or on the side of the street. But some of them are there because their owners moved and the new place didnt allow dogs. To me that would be like sending your kid away because there isnt enough room. Wouldnt you look for a home that allowed all your family members? How could you just leave them there all by themselves. They look so scared. I dont help the dogs because I want to cry every time I look in their eyes. My mom can't even listen to a thing I say about this place without crying.
But in the week I have been there I have seen 4 dogs get adopted along with 3 cats. I just hope they can find a family that can keep them forever and take good care of them.
Oh I feel like such a girl. But if you wanna know anything else about this place or wanna help here is a link to their website.
http://www.hootervillesafehaus.org

fuckingmoody @ 2007-06-26T07:27:00

2007-06-26T14:35:09Z

I write in a diary but I dont see the point. When I write I want people to read it. I want people to feel how I feel, to maybe think about something in a different way if only for a moment. So yes, I started another LiveJournal. I think this is like the 4th one. But since people keep getting annoyed at me for bombarding them with my insight; I will just write it down and they can read it or not.

This journal is going to be totally honest and completely public.
Anyone can read it & anyone can comment it.

&hearts;